My incredible and thoughtful mother even fashioned a prosthetic made from a shoulder pad so that I could wear it underneath my clothes. High school was a tumultuous time, but it was especially hard when I tried my best to hide my missing cheek. And I remember that time when I wanted to join the high school swim team but decided against it because I knew everyone would stare at my scar in the Speedo uniforms. I also remember that one time when I came out of rehearsal to see “HALF ASS” written on the back of my car. As you can imagine, it is hard to conceal in a bathing suit when you are missing half of your bottom! I remember once when a mother at a pool party asked me what had happened to me, prompting the entire party of little girls to point and chant “Eew! Eew! Eew!” I thought: “ What’s wrong with you, lady?!” At a young age, I understood how her comment was completely unnecessary. The thought of summer days at the swimming pool made me cringe.

Yes, in a world of relativity, my price was small but it left a lasting impression, and somewhat of a sixth sense that one can only have when they go through life being “different.” You can feel the eyes on you, and hear the whispers spoken. Growing up I would repeat to myself how lucky I had been as I stared in the mirror, reminding myself that my scar was a small price to pay. As a result, I was left with a massive scar across my backside and no right butt cheek. For those that do, doctors attempt to remove the tumor but when you are that little, there isn’t much to work with. This condition causes some babies to not make it to birth. Within hours of being born, doctors found a tumor in my coccyx. I was born with a Sacrococcygeal Teratoma, a rare birth defect occurring around one in every 40,000 births. Within its definition, “wicked” means both, “evil, bad, intended to harm” and “incredibly wonderful, outstanding.” How can a word have two truly opposite definitions?

We have the ability to take any hand that is dealt to us, harness its energy and use language to help us in the process. We do, however, get to decide what we will do with it. Unfortunately, we don’t get to decide how much of each we get. Bad hurts us, brings us sadness, and we learn that we want as little of that in our lives as possible. Good makes us happy, we want more of that. We learn at a young age the difference between good and bad.

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